Friday!

hmmmm... long time no blog! my world is completely in the right place right now minus being a jobless bum! I feel like things are falling into place and I like where things are headed for once..

this weekend can not come fast enough! I'm so ready for it! Plans for this weekend include... A. meeting M for the first time.. B. St. Pete pride with M and maybe J if she inst being a bitch... C. Pre-game party with M, J?, and C... this could be a little dicey but I'm game. D. Ybor for the night! a weekend filled with beautiful women and fun times will be had!

anyhow me and J have been friendly but nothing much has been said or done between us. Its looking like being friends with this girl is possible.

C is young and all over the place but I like it bc at times she goes out of her way to txt me and stuff... like last weekend I ran into her at bulls club only bc she told me she wanted me to be there... her friend was kinda a bitch but whatever she told me about her and things will be okay once I get to know her friend. Then Sat myself and another one of my friends went to honeypot. Of course its because C is there.. again she wanted me to come see her. so there were a couple of times where she was kinda stand offish but when she was finally off by herself kinda things were all good. we talked for awhile before she introduced me to her ex and had to leave.. that was awkward but funny bc we talked about it the next day... common them with her is to not be around when her friends are around.... not sure where this is going with her... if anything being friends with her would be fine or maybe one day I'll just straight up ask her on a date instead of beating around the bush with the hangout bullshit! she has me watching pretty little liars now too! i kinda hate it but i cant stop watching it...

Then M. there is something about her.... last night and today we have been talking about things that I would normally not talk about with ppl but some how she gets me to open up! its kinda scary... well anyhow she is clearly interested in me and i am with her. just we havent met yet. we are planning on skyping before meeting on friday. i doubt it will be weird because we are both kinda goofy! also i think it has been established that whatever happens happens... hmmm dont know what that entails but i'm down?

blah i cant wait for this weekend!

a little nightly recap....

Game was fucking awesome! pretty sure that was my best flag stat wise game ever! it was so much fun! well J finally made it out to one of my games... this girl.... there is something about her that keeps me wanting to go back to her... she isnt going to let me live down the fact that she got to see my ass after i got pants on the field... well after the game I just planned on taking her home and calling it a night... well she asked to get food so i said whatever and we got food... well when i was taking her back to her place she asked me if i wanted to come up... i told her if she wants me to then i will... she said fuck yea so i do... well we hung out and it was fun... whenever she talks i feel like i can sit there for hours not saying a damn thing just listening to her... and i like doing that! i even find myself getting jealous when she starts to talk about her ex and new ppl she is talking to... i think though she might want to hang out more with me and my friends because they are older and she is starting to see that she is changing and things are changing for her... maybe that would bring her around... but there were a few times where i was just like damn i really wish i could just cuddle with her or kiss her but i was also sweaty and i know she has a thing about that... the more i think about things the more i see myself with her and i really dont like the feeling because i know we will only be friends bc thats what she wants... but i did enjoy time spent with her... who knows things might change....

i also spent the day txting away M and C... both who are way better than J but J is that bad girl that I cant get of my mind... C is so adorable! when ever she txts me it always puts a smile on my face! i told her about me pulling my groin and she said i'm sorry love and i damn near melted in the seat of my car... it made me feel warm on the inside lol... and M is just funny! I think me and her would make awesome friends and Im looking forward to meeting her next week! omg! 

anyhow im out like a light.... until next time!

hmmm.... nothing fancy!

So today has just been one of those blah days... I'm still overwhelmed by the amount of things I need to do in order to make Tampa work out for me but I mean things are looking up... After spending 3 hours with apps i got a call back from a lady who is interested in me working for her company as a PT but i have to do a 3 month non-paid internship.... it could be worth it in the end but i cant go three months without work... also it looks like i might have 2 leads at the hospital.... we shall see....

nothing new with the girls... C still txt me regularly and she offered to bring me food yesterday but she was fallng aleep! :( I would have loved to see her! Then M is txting me as we speak... she is out at a bar with a few friends... and then J.... well she isnt talking to me so whatevas... lets see if she tries to come to my game....

but anyhooo im getting sleepy now from playing an awesome game of flag tonight and i feel it is my time to retire! that was short and sweet!

Overwhelmed....

With me moving and stuff I have this weird mood thing going.... Not sure what to make of it but it's completely making me feel like shit!

There has just been a ton of shit going on and I don't know what to make of it... Like the whole J thing... I can't get this girl outta my head! One moment I'm completely over the idea of us ever being together then the next it's I wanna be with her... This weekend for instance... So I told her that if she wanted to come over after she got finish at whiskey north that she should come over. I wasn't drunk when that happened but at 3am she was txting me... Clearly we both knew what was up but nothing happened.... Following that night I sent her a message that said like hey I'm sober you should come over. She then told me that she couldn't do anything like that with me. I don't get why... There is something there that she isn't telling me. I just wanna know what's up. We haven't talked since I told her that I've separated my feelings from the situation and I can be just friends and if something happens it fine. So whatever to that.

Then there is miss C... So I finally had the nerve to ask her out and stuff and she always just ignores it. Don't know what's up with that... The last time I did it she didn't respond and i just left it alone and the she txted me the next morning and continued to do so all day! That girl is a mess but I think with her it might just be a good idea just to be txting buddies or whatever is going on with us... Maybe one day I'll have the nerve to call her or something.. Doubt it but who knows...

On a brighter note, I've been txting this other girl off POF today... She shall be referred to as M! M is pretty cool. She is from Michigan which is a huge plus in my book! Our conversations on POF have been amazing. Also she is older so that makes it better! The only problem is she lives in Tally. But she will be in Tampa at the end of this month for pride! So hopefully we will get a chance to met up and see where it goes from there...

Welp I need to finish up this awful packing.... I wanna go watch the game but I doubt that is going to happen!

I'm not a chicken shit!

so i finally did it! I asked her out.... only problem is that she never really responded.... she was out drinking and was having an emotional night... ill check on her later today to make sure she is okay. maybe then ill get an answer....

so this was completely weird but J started txting me out of the blue asking me what I was doing tonight... i told her nothing because that was the truth.... then i told her that I was worried when she starts to ask me to hang out late at night because she has a ton of friends and normally she goes out with them... well then it was followed by the whole things are awkward between us because of the whole me liking her and she not knowing if she liked me thing... of course I still do because stupid shit she does bothers me but it is getting alot easier for me with C being in the picture and ppl showing interest on POF.... I personally think that she does still like me but whatever.

but on another note I went to gay bar with a bunch of J's friends and her. yup it was fun as hell actually... i got drunk like always.... free drinks until 11 then took a shot of patron.... well me and her danced a few times together which was actually quite hot! I was super turned on by her... and dancing with gay guys is my new favorite hobby lol! i think she might have been jealous a few times when i was dancing with keith bc that shit was exactly how i use to dance with straight guys.... def drove home drunk which was no bueno... well before we left the club as we were walking down the street I txted her... i told her that that i wanted her and stuff.... yea ummm drunk txt fer sure but not really bc i was being 100% serious...i feel like at this point with her I could just do the FWB thing and be okay...well i told her that i just wanted to have fun with her and i called... she didnt answer but she did respond to txt messages.... she laughed and told me that i knew how to dance... for pete's sake i know i can bc im black lol.... no seriously its because thats just how i learned how to dance in college... she liked it and i told her i wanted to come over but she didnt respond so i took my happy ass to bed... im pretty sure once she wakes up she will have something to say about it.....

which i just thought of something..... i think when i really did want to be with J it was because I wanted to be back in a relationship way too fast and kinda rushed things now that i think about it.... i think what im doing right now is what i should have done awhile ago and just saw where things went with me and her rather than telling her that i wanted more from what was going on.... i mean i guess i could have defined more as anything but  i think when i said more i think she took it as us taking it to the next level... and that was not what i wanted... well i did but i didnt.... i dont know if that makes sense...  oh well as the day goes on i know there will be some kinda of developing news or some shit.... whatever im taking my ass back to sleep!

short and sweet...

so after hanging out with J I've come to realized that she is seriously bad news. yup seriously bad news! As much as I enjoy her company and being around her I really need to put things into perspective more. so I think on my next plane ride Ill be making a pro and con list bc i think that will put things into a better light. Also I'm in the ATL and i really wish ppl would stop staring at me like I have a something in my nose... you try waking up at 4 in the morning to catch a flight after a rough night of drinking....

which brings me to the other girl.... I really like her and I think that getting shit together for us to hang out.

well shit my plane is boarding so I guess I'll update this later!

Update:
so i never made a pros and cons list bc my plane ride was shit! but i think now I'm done with J. if things were meant to be they would work out and clearly that is something not worth it. C has def become a priority... just through txt we have alot in common and our conversions are always good. also she confirmed that she likes girls since she said she was helping her ex with HER relationship problems... yup now i just need to ask her out or something...  ive hinted on it but never actually did anything... ill work on that lol she makes me nervous...

and while in michigan i talked to an old friend.... entertaining bc now he thinks that I was born without a penis because my game is just as good if not better than his lol

but whatevas im out for the night!

With a Fuck YOU very much!

Frustration at it's finest! first off I'm really getting sick of the fucking games being played... yea I get that you dont know what the hell you want and that there is "no spark" but really is the flirting really necessary! NO!!! this is seriously one of those times where I really sometimes wish that the way I feel about someone wouldnt have happened. I really dont know what to do about this girl bc i know that there will always be something there!

Okay so this is what happened.... awhile ago I told her I would help her make slide gloves for skating.... well she got all the stuff and all we needed was pucks... I finally got those today and told her that i did. well she wanted to make them tonight but I had a game so I said maybe after. kinda happy that didnt happen bc i was super cold and wet bc it rained the entire game.... but anyhow i txted her and she asked what I was doing tomorrow so we can make them.... All I have to do is pack for michigan and kinda clean up a little bit.... so i told her just working and nothing else... oh miss confused sends me a message that goes as follows, "ok no then its me time :)" Really? I told her I would think about it and would come over tomorrow.... then there is the ill be here then and i just said okay... then she responds with ;-).... that is not necessary! shit like this kinda pisses me off! so we shall see how things go tomorrow.... I really think this is when I really need to hang out with C and see where things are going with her! Fucking J!

brief but kinda due...

so yet another exciting day at work.... yea whatever that means... anyhow today was kinda a weird one... first off the last few days I have been in a really weird mood. not sure why just my mood has been completely off... mostly because at times i've been feeling a bit "lonely" in a sense but im not even sure if that is the right word...

well today i was doing my usual fb newsfeed refresh and I saw something that reminded me of J. so i saved the photo and sent it to her. low and behold a conversation about nothing started. not suprised... I also told her that I met another girl, C, at the gym and she was asking me about her. first thing was is she cute... then it was is she spanish... lol clearly C isnt spanish and i told her that and told her that after dealing with her, J, i wouldnt give spanish girls a chance again... clearly im kidding with her but she called me mean lol! oh well! and actually i think me and her are suppose to make her slide gloves tomorrow or something... whatever we'll see if that actually happens.

I've also talked to C today as well. she is so fucking awesome! i dont know why but she is... but at times i kinda get the vibe that she might be into guys more so than girls but i just dont want out right ask bc that would be weird.... my buddy swears that she is into girls so ill take his word... but anyhow she wants to come workout with me one day at the gym.... 100% for that! :) anyhow we talked about pretty little liars and how i should be watching it lol... ummm yea not sure if i actually want to but i might give it a shot.

anyhow its gym time after i run to the gas station for some stuff...

dont have an entertaining one...

So it a Sat night and what is my ass doing... BLOGGING!!! yup sounds like and entertaining evening.... well a couple of days ago I thought it would be a good idea to join a dating site in the intentions of making new friends. good idea? yea so far so good... I've been talking to a few ppl on there and it isnt too bad. my intentions are to get into in sort of relationship or anything of that nature but i have gotten responses from a few ppl that have hit me up... im not going out of my way to introduce myself to anyone lol! for some reason girls make me more nervous than guys... maybe bc i see guys like i see myself and it makes it easier for me. i dont know.

anyhow I've still been talking to C. fucking gorgeous ass gir!l still havent hung out with her but we still txt each other. which reminds me I really need to meet older individuals... but she still is pretty cool and I'm learning alot about her. we actually have alot in common which is kinda weird to me because she is so young. but i guess life experiences have no age restrictions. i invited her over today but i think she went to a friends party... i dont blame her bc look at what Im doing on a sat.

which brings me to something I did today... havent really been speaking to J only because I know that my feelings about her are still a little bit too strong.. but for some reason I txted her. it has been 5 days since Ive actually talked to her. nothing was really said so whatever. but i did have a strange dream that she was trying to get with me. it was awkward. but she is way too toxic and I really need to leave her alone. I just need to be friends with her.

oh and this brings me to this other thing about this whole journey. I noticed that there is this fine line of what type of lesbian ppl are or choice to be. its either your fem or a stud.. which to this day I get but what happens when your neither... like myself for instance i like to wear girl clothes and stuff but im such a tomboy! so what does that make me? im not overly fem but i prefer jeans and a tshirt. I dont get it.... and dont get me wrong im not judging the groups i just dont know how to define myself.

but whatever thats my weekend rant for the night...