With confusion....

So my life is still in a downward spiral but slowly the pieces are being out back together!

So this weekend was def one for the books! So much shit went down! Some more epic than other parts.

Well me and M are just friends. We had a long talk today about everything. I mean everything. But it seems like she is hanging on to me for all the wrong reasons. But what makes it hard to step away is the fact that she wants the chance to be with me. It's frustrating. I'm over it and I think I need to walk away.

S and I are having fun! She is the reason why my weekend was crazy as shit! So much illegal activity! Haha! Anyways she is pretty much becoming a really good friend! Lol we have so many gay moments with each other! Shit is funny! Her new boo thang are fucking hilarious! Never a dull moment with those two fucks! I really hope they work out.

Speaking of the weekend. I saw D! Omg this girl is attractive as shit. Kinda of pissed at what was going down with her and S but I know they have a history... But anyhow she pulled me aside and talked to me about a message I sent her via FB. Like she wrap her arms around my waist and we walked down the streets of ybor together. I really like her and she was super friendly. I don't know where it will go but whatever!

Anyhow I want to finish watching random shit and stuff...

Comfort...

The more and more I become comfortable with myself, I start to realize more things. Yes I like women. Yup I get shy around them more so than guys. It's weird. I can talk to guys with no problems but as soon as I see an attractive women game over... I can't stomach it because I've never been like that.

Like right now. I kind of like S. She and I have a unique relationship. Haha plenty of friends (fish) buddies! She is cool but the thing is she drinks way too much for my comfort. But damn it she is hot as shit. I wouldn't even mind being just her cuddle buddy because in all honesty being in any sort of relationship with her could be toxic. What makes it weird is the fact that she has said she liked me be but I'm not fem enough. Clearly I'm not changing who I am in order to be with someone. Being someone I'm not to be with someone is just not my thing.

Also S has a friend that I'm really interested in. I'm not sure what to do about it. She is super attractive and a free spirt. I kind of know what she is into and stuff but that's about all I know. We are FB friends and every time I see something posted in my news feed by her I can't help but to stop and stare. She is beautiful! But I'm a chicken shit and can't ask anyone out or anything... I need to work on this!

Anyhow the more and more I meet more people, mostly lesbians, the more I feel at ease about life and the direction I'm heading. I don't know why but my path seems more clear.

I see my future now not painted the way it use to be. Married to a man, living in a house with a white picket fence, 2.5 children and a lab. You know the typical american dream. I see it as a figment of what my life use to be. I now see it married to a woman, kids, and just living live. Happy! Happy with everything going on in life.

"I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold. I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good" -kid cudi