a fancy title...

So not alot has been happening these days... I finally had a heart to heart with J. It all started with her thinking that M doesnt like her. Well its the truth. M thinks that I deserve a better friends.. Maybe I do? I dont know though J will alwasys be a friend. A distant friend but a friend needless to say. We always have a good time together whether we are just chillin at her place watching a movie or some shit. I dont know she is a good person at heart but her ways sometimes suggest differently. Actually though there are still some resolved issues with her now that I think about it. At times when its just me and her hanging out I still have the urge to want to be with her. I still have feeling for her and I really wish all of them would go away. I know that takes time and they are going away but I wish they would just leave and let me be. 

M and I are dating... Yup that's right. I'm now dating a girl. We aren't girlfriends ( haha that sounds so weird) but just dating.  I really like her alot. Its kinda weird that Im actually super comfortable around her. We have talked about alot of things I normally wouldnt talk about with anyone. It's been refreshing. I think this weekend I'm going up there to see her because its been 2 weeks since we have seen each other and i think it is about that time. If not I'll see her in Orlando in a few weeks. I also just need to escape Tampa for a bit. And long distance relationship again... hmmm i should have thought about that. 

I dont know this was kinda of a pointless post... but whatever. 

well that was nice...

So this weekend was by far one of the better ones I've had and this is why.....

I drove 4.5 hours to see M. Yup that's right drove up the coast to see a girl... changed my plans around too and lied to my mom and sister to see her... so worth it! well i left thurs. and stayed with her till sat. afternoon....

Thursday 
well thurs night we hung out, she cooked me dinner, and we got ice cream... this was the first time since the light house that we had been alone.... well we had our first kiss and it was kinda awkward only bc she was super shy about it but it was nice.... things got more comfortable and we cuddled... well of course one thing lead to another and things got a bit hott.... yea so i finally got to experience so parts of lesbian sex but before things got more involved i stopped it only because i was kinda uncomfortable... but thats what I like about M she respects my boundaries... she was completely fine with it....

Friday
Friday we woke up and she went to the gym... i laid in her bed with her dog till she got back... it was relaxing... when she came back we chilled there until john came over to wash clothes and to go eat... the burgers we got were amazing! then we went back and hung out in her bed again... then headed to the mall.... the boys need new shirts for the nights so they got those and then we left... well in the truck me and her were holding hands and stuff and kissing and for once it actually felt right... then we went out to the lamest club ever in tally but it was still fun bc i was with her... we made out in there too i think... i cant remember we all were drinking... we went home and more things happen... catch my drift... im not going into details.... then we cuddled and went to sleep...

Sat.
well sat. rolled around and we spent all day in bed... it was so nice waking up to her! it was so bittersweet knowing that i was going to be leaving her... she really is something special! but i stretched out the time and left at about 3... i knew she didnt want me to leave and i didnt want to leave her! but i left and we txted my whole drive to Jax!seriously i can see myself in a relationship with her even if it is long distance....she is adorable and cute and again a breath of fresh air!

anyhow i really like her and i cant wait to see her again... blah we shall see where this goes... but what makes this whole thing funny is..... J is now trying to hang out with me more now! she told me that she missed me and now she wants to go to the concert and busch gardens... hmmmm... i still like her but i def like M better and she is so worth it! so i think it is safe to say that my focus is somewhere else and J is now just a friend... lets just hope bitch isnt cray and doesnt try me... but that is all i have! DEUCES!

with PRIDE!!!

So this weekend has probably been the most rewarding for me accepting the fact that I'm most likely gay. I like women and that is it.... but here is how the weekend started....

Friday...
All week I had been waiting for the arrival of my two friends. M was one of them... well i went out first with my roommate and our other friend to our favorite place in the world... lol MacDittion's haha! anyhow i told them I was going to bail because M was coming to get me so we could go to honeypot. they were cool with it and it was no big deal. so M comes and gets me and we head out to honeypot. that place on a friday night is way different than sat. but whatevas. it def. was not the ideal place to meet someone for the first time but it worked....well then we had a fantastic time and it wasnt awkward at all... drove me home and i went to bed....

Sat AKA PRIDE DAY...
By far the best day of the weekend.... I woke up at 8 to get ready and stuff but ended up missing the parade which kinda sucked... but I made it down there in enough time to still get some goodies. well anyways I met up with M and her friends. thank goodness for them bc my friends ditched me... jerks still owe me for that one.... anyhow we spent the rest of the day walking the streets of st. pete with all of the GLBT community and it was great time. well after that I had to go to work for a little so I did and left them at my apartment. Well after that I invited C and J over and a few others over to pre-game and only J should up which was cool. it was kinda obvious that M and her friends didnt like J but who does haha! jk i like her but I can do better. so we all drank and had a merry time and waited for the cab to come.
we then hit the streets of GaYbor and hit up honeypot again... Honeypot was one epic night! of course J was flirting with me the whole night like usual but M would do funny things like come dance behind me and stuff... it was funny! then i also ran into C there and she was leaving bc her ex got into a fight and bunch of other stuff happened...but anyhow we came back and then it was fun times with the neighbors. J hung out with them the most while I hung out with M and friends. but i was back and forth between them... well i walked J out and said bye, which there is still an attraction to this girl and i'm slowly getting over it... then i came back upstairs to go sit on M... well that lead us to cuddling on the couch and eventually in my roommates bed (yea weird i know).... well that's all that happened which was super nice. we cuddled all night and it felt right!

Sunday....
waking up to M was a great feeling.... well we all got up and went and grabbed food. we all hung out for a little bit longer and then we all said our goodbyes... it was such a bittersweet ending to the weekend... but wait! i drove an hour to go spend time with M at her friend's house. that was the best time ever. she is such a sweetheart... we talked for hours about any and everything... she is so cool about me talking to her bout J and stuff... goodness she is such a breathe of fresh air.. i like her alot.... there were a few times where i wanted to kiss her but i didnt and she didnt want to cross my boundaries bc she knows my story.... well 1 am rolled around and i had to say bye to her.. it was super sad bc everytime we tried to say bye we would start talking bout more things... but eventually we did and she txted me the whole way home...

after this weekend I know that i really want to get to know M better... if anything she is the type of woman i need in my life right now friends or more than friends... since then we have been talking about meeting up again and stuff... she really likes me and i really like her and i really want to see where this goes... but with my heart burn/acid reflux or what ever the fuck i have starting to settle im going to bed... deuces bitches!