Being up late...

So I can't sleep. I don't know why I can't. Anyhow I'm up. I'm up thinking about things. My life is pretty simple now. I work, chill with my gf and hang out at home. Nothing that seems to interfere with how I want my life to be.

But there are part where I wonder why and what if. Like where would I be if I haven't met L or how would my relationship with M be affected if L never showed up.

I can't deny that I still haven't completely gotten over my feelings about M but I only feel this way when I'm not with L. M was something special in my life and I'm sad at the way I lost her out of my life because I told her I was dating L. I love L don't get me wrong but I don't know why I feel like I still need to talk to M. It's so awkward. Maybe it's the way that she way she left out of my life. I look at old pictures of us and I see that both of us were happy. Maybe we were happy for different reasons. I know that when our friendship was building after she figured we should be just friends things and things seemed so much better. But now that will never happen with us being friends. She looks very happy with her current gf and I'm happy for her. But in not happy that I lost a friend. I wanna txt her or something but I also don't want to end up as another tumblr post.

I don't know. My thoughts are erratic right now but I love my lady. She is an amazing part of my life. I love her and I can see myself with her for along time. Yup that's all.

Not sure?!?!

It's been a pretty emotional time for me. Don't know why but it is. I have a great relationship, I'm working and everything is fine. I just don't know why the fuck my problem is. I think I've gotten too attached to my girl. Last night I felt empty. It was weird not speaking to her much and it made me a bit uneasy. Something about her wants me to want to be connected to her all the time. It's not healthy. Now I feel like shit because I cried and def made her uncomfortable/bothered because I can't control the way I feel. I love this girl to death and she is my everything and she knows that. I just wanna break down and cry because I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I know she is mine and she isn't going anywhere but yet not hearing from her and clearly knowing what she is doing I have issues with. I need to get over this and know that there are going to be times when she isn't goin to be around or if she is busy or something. She does have her own life to live. Her frat and stuff is a part of who she is and I'm hindering it because I can't talk to her or get my way. I sound like a 5 year pouting because I'm not getting my way. I need to grow up and get a grip on this!

Stupidity!

What the fuck! M really pisses me off! Okay sweet we can't be friends because I'm happy that I found someone I an see myself with and told you that! So you go and post txts on tumblr and shit bc it made you laugh! Okay bitch! Too bad that was by complete mistake! And then you turn around and get a girlfriend a few weeks later. Okay that part of my life will be deleted. My life isn't hurting or anything. Fuck you and your childish immaturity! Go fuck yourself!

With a new year...

So I've been reflecting on everything that has happened this past year from living life to relationships... its been a downward spiral with the things I have been through this year but I cant complain.

As I started reflecting on last year, I think I'm going to blog about my reflections. I started 2012 off in a relationship with a guy who I thought I was going to marry. I got way too comfortable in the situation and things that I noticed surfaced when he moved backed home. Glad this came about because I wouldn't have found myself again. And I'm super glad I did.

As far as friends go, I've made new ones and lost others but there are good reasons why I lost those that I have lost. No biggie life goes on. New friends I've mad have been super supportive of everything that has gone on. But with the removal of friends I knot that I'm going to gain more. Life goes on even if someone decides that they don't want you in their life. I'm very thankful for the people who have stuck around and been there for me during my rough patches. I'm thankful for the people who have removed themselves from my life. Negativity isn't something I want affect my life.

But on the flip side I'm super grateful for the people and relationships that have blossomed. I couldn't have ask for the most wonderful person to enter my life at the right time. She means the world to me in a bigger way than I could ever imagine. She makes me feel like no one else in the world exists. There hasnt been a moment in the day since we have started talking that I have felt an ounce of discomfort. I wake up every morning wondering what she is thinking and going to sleep thinking about us. She is everything that I have ever wanted in a partner. She is there for me both mentally and physically and I couldn't ask for anything more. L is someone who I see forever with regardless of what life throws at us.She is my everything and the more and more I spend time with her I know that my feeling are correct. Everyday I fall more in love with this girl. She fills me with the courage to know that my life will get better. She has been there for me every step of the way. It's only been a month and it feel like a life time of being with her. She is my everything.

2013 will be the year of no resolutions... Just me living life to the fullest and taking the shit that is thrown at me...