after all this time you....

So after oh what 5 months, J finally spilled the beans.... We got to talking about things with M and how she wishes that her and M could get along because of . Granted they kind met at a not so ideal time but whatever it happened. M doesnt too much care for J but J wants to be try to be friends with her. I give J props for that because she is trying to be the bigger person.. but anyhow we got to talking about something completely different running together actually and it turn into a conversation about alot of other things...

so after the whole running thing we got on the topic of me and M. Well she apologized to me for leading me on and stuff which was a super nice gesture and told me that she would always be there for me. not what i was expecting from her. then she proceed to tell me that I helped her out alot and she was grateful for me being in her life... ummm when it got to this part i was in a bit of shock... i told her that she helped me too because I was finally able to be honest with myself admitting that i liked girls. Well after this whole rant about us and what things meant between us I asked her a straight up question. "If M wasnt a factor would she give it a second chance with me?" I really didnt think she would answer it (ive asked questions to her like this before and she either avoids them or doesnt respond) but this time she did. her response kind of shocked me. she said that she didnt want me to end things with M to be with her. but she would give it a shot. Interesting... she has never been straight forward with me when it came to how she felt. well i told her that I wasnt going to leave M for her and that I was just curious. If she would have told me that from the start things could/would have been different with us and maybe things would have turned out differently. So bia liked me from the start what a jerk!

anyhow now things with M are all screwy bc she feels like I'm pressuring her to be friend.

i dont know ill edit this later.... taking about this is stressful and frustrating!!

Edit:
M thinks that she is now bad for me... im so confused right now...