With a post about alot....

Love=no boundries 
Okay so this my first time blogging in like 7 years... livejournal kinda ruined things for me.... but that is in the past and some of the funniest high school moments were kept locked away in a public blog lol! anyhow lets start 7 years ago. I was in high school then living the way society wanted me to live. I was dating a guy, I played sports and I did my "best" in school. everything was going right so I thought until I hit the mean streets of college life. *queue scary music*


So I'm going to college....
So now lets move on to college. in college I screwed up. first two years I spent fucking up but I turned it around. but in college I noticed something that I never wanted to admit because I knew that it was wrong. For some reason I found myself attracted to girls and guys but the liking girls thing kinda scared me... So I quickly dismissed this whole concept because for once in my life I actually cared about what society thought. completely weird because if you actually knew me you would quickly see I have this I dont care attitude about life. but for some reason this had a weird affect on me.  to this day i dont know why but I know it has to do something with societal norms. 


So societal norms fucked me royally because I played rugby for 5 years and in the rugby world girl on girl action is quite the norm. Yea and I even had my mom ask me if I was trying to tell her something. I told her no every single time bc I "knew" that was the right thing to say... not like she really cares because she is 100% okay with it and accepts me for me but she had alot of questions about this whole thing.but that is besides the point. I played rugby and was attracted to a few girls... to me no biggie bc i suppressed the feeling... probably not a good thing but I did. so i continued to date boys and live this happy life or what i thought was happy.... mind you I have not been with a girl at all ever.... so i really didnt know what this meant. 


so 4+ years ago I met K. we dated for 4+ years. recently we entered this long distance thing and things changed. some for the good others for the worse. but I made the decision to stay in FL. great for me but things in April kinda took a nose dive. I meet a girl. Im attracted to suppressed feelings re-emerge and has me all sorts of fucked up.... so i do the unthinking able in  my friends eyes and break up with him. I mean yea me liking girls has the biggest impact on that but just knowing that I kinda wanted to be with a girl quickly added more fire to the flames. 


okay so i started hanging out with this girl bc we skated together. she actually asked me if i was a lesbian bc i came across as one lol! that always makes me laugh... but any how i quickly told her no and she apologized... a few days later I txt her and tell her that Im bi and she starts asking questions. welp this is were things get all weird... this is the tell J and me....


J and Me
J is an awesome girl! we have alot in common but after I told her I was bi things got out of control. She is confusing girl bc she flirts with me but tells me she wants to just be friends... me being a newly accepting a lifestyle change am completely okay with that bc I did just get out of a relationship and I wasnt sure if me liking girls was just a phase. again never been with a girl so i have no clue what the hell is going on. 


so anyhow we plan all these things together and we start hanging out more frequently... one night she invited me over for dinner after I got off work which I thought was a nice gesture. ya know friends having dinner and watching a movie and hanging out. so that night we all start drinking... great time bc i didnt have to work the next morning... well after a few rounds of beer pong and everyone being drunk and leaving... me and her try to finish the movie we had started after dinner. 


well that quickly turned into us holding hands and making out on the couch. yup first time kissing a girl happens when I was drinking... not what i had in mind but it happened. knowing that I couldnt drive home I told her i was staying. she said okay and we went into her room. so there was more making out and whatever and I knew she wanted to do more but I knew I couldnt let that happen... making out is one thing but sex is another... I quickly put an end to that... 


the next morning approaches and I leave her house. later that afternoon i asked her to do me a favor and we ended up hanging out again the whole night. this time we just cuddled on her bed bc i wasnt sure if kissing her the night before was a mistake or whatever so nothing happened... as im driving home she txted me asking me if I wanted to kiss her before I had left.. of course I did bc I was sober and I wanted to see if it wasnt just because of liquid courage running through my veins from the night before... this turned into a long conversation and  we both wanted to kiss each other and just didnt... 


welp lets fast forward to a couple weeks ago... after all this has happened things got all weird... my feelings for her kinda changed and I wanted more from her.... supposedly after telling her how i feel I get the there wasnt a spark talk and lets be friends... bullshit... yup thats what i think! she wants to be friends but up until recently with me distancing myself from her she would txt me everyday and stuff... i dont even txt ppl I talk to regularly and we are just friends... so whatevas... she meet another girl but she has a girlfriend.... yeah not good! but after talking with a friend that night I noticed this other girl that I use to see all the time in the gym.... which brings us to new things with C and Me. 


C and Me
alrigthy so this girl C... she is amazing looking... clearly a bi-racial child.... anyhow my friend points her out to me and I tell him that I thought she was cute. he quickly approves and tells me she is into girls... I asked him how he knows and he told me. with me being me he told me just to send her a message via FB. I did it and figure oh she will see it think im some creeper and wouldnt respond.... 


the next day Im at work pretending to do my job.... im very good at that mind you... and an alert appeared saying that she replied to my message... I was shocked... after talking about school and other random things I decided that it would be a good time to give the hey heres my number speech... i did and the next day while I was out with ppl from work she txted me... umm the grin on my face was fucking huge.... so from that friday till now we have been txting each other all day. only problem with her is that she is 20... :( not like age really matters but it kinda does.... 


well it seems like she is interested in me bc she has been asking me if I was single and stuff... then she has caught me off guard with the calling me honey and sweetie... yea maybe thats a lesbian thing but Im not sure I havent taken my floaties off yet to swim in the deep end. also is it a lesbian thing to use smiley faces and shit all the time? he is slightly jealous bc he wants to date her... so this is turning into the start of something good... im not going to rush into anything but I do like where this is going... we are planning to hang out whenever she is free. so this is where my new outlook on life begins....


Right now Im not sure what I want because girls just became an option for me and i want to get my feet wet. according to a good friend, she thinks that Ive already picked a side and I havent accepted it yet. time will only tell.... so I'm going to use this blog as source for me to write my travels of my tangled life and to vent about things... I like where this is going!